The challenge for autistic people, like me, is that our sensory processing needs add an extra layer of stress and arousal to our already taxed and over stimulated nervous system.

Our ‘window of tolerance’ is usually smaller meaning regulation is not the day-to-day experience for us. The parasympathetic portion of the nervous system that helps the body to relax after periods of stress or danger is harder to access. This takes a toll on our health. Sadly, this is why burn out is such a common phenomenon amongst neurodivergent individuals. My personal experience attests to this.

Living in a dysregulated state – in sympathetic fight/flight arousal – unfortunately is routine and the norm for autistic people. We are constantly being tested and triggered. Think bright paint, strong perfume, car alarms, loud music, shouting, scrapping chairs, scratchy school uniforms, over heated offices. Think passive aggressive comments, vague instructions, sarcasm. Our highly refined nervous systems are easily pushed into panic and overwhelm.

Autism-friendly environments meet the needs of the body – most specifically, the nervous system. The most important priority within settings like schools and inpatient services is the cultivation of embodied safety. Meeting sensory processing needs and promoting staff regulation enables staff to coregulate with autistic students and patients, creates safety in relating and further reduces the body’s stress response.

The most important priority within settings like schools and inpatient services is the cultivation of embodied safety.Building capacity and growing our window of tolerance – the space where we can deal with what is happening in the moment without experiencing an unmanageable amount of sensation and emotion which inevitably builds and triggers a melt-down – requires wholesale change in working and living environments. Think warm lighting, neutral colours, natural fabrics, silent alarms and you are starting to picture both a nervous system and autism friendly space. Clear instructions will also help – a lot. As would the directive that all adults in working in therapeutic, health care or educational environments work on their own regulation – neurodivergent or otherwise - so that they foster communal connection and ooze a limbic resonance of ‘I’m safe and non-reactive.’ 

Having good regulation (an autonomic nervous system which has solid wiring, capacity and good flow) is essential for all aspects of wellbeing. Regulation supports impulse control, thought, emotional and sensation tolerance and social engagement. It is in the social engagement, ventral vagal parasympathetic portion of the nervous system that we feel connected to others and the environment and safe (Porges, 2011). When in this zone we are in our window of tolerance (a term coined by Dr Dan Seigel), resilient and regulated. We are able to deal with day-today living and process, digest and deactivate the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight arousal) and return to social engagement – where we are again calm, curious and creative.

My mentor Irene Lyon explains that supporting regulation for autistic and non-autistic alike involves the following steps: nervous system education, support and connection, physiology mastery via neurosensory and somatic exercises, building the ability to stay present to feelings and sensations and building capacity.

Having access to those items or activities which soothe our nervous systems – be it specific sensory items, fabrics, headphones, stimming or scents of choice all build regulation.
​
For autistic people, resourcing – having access to those items or activities which soothe our nervous systems – be it specific sensory items, fabrics, headphones, stimming or scents of choice (lavender oil is my personal go-to) all build regulation – alongside time spent doing (and talking about) our special interests and having more time to process information alone to decompress will all expand our window of tolerance and support regulation.

I’m fortunate my special interests include making sense of being in a body and understanding sensation. These special interests led me to somatics, nervous system education and an understanding that there needs to be a bottom-up approach in autistic-friendly environments.  We need to come out of the mind and into the body. Through tolerating sensation and feelings, we regulate as autistic people. We need external environments and other humans to coregulate with to support that to happen.

We’re helping teams to understand how regulation reduces the risk of restraint and supporting them to put these ideas into practice.


This is a repost of a blog originally posted here: https://ndconnection.co.uk/blog/understandingandsupportingregulation?rq=aldred

Original post date 16th December 2023.

Spirituality is humanity's endeavour to become a humane and decolonialised collective.

Education and undoing are the spiritual practises needed.


​
Video 1:  Safeguarding and what actually is spiritual abuse?

Being able to contribute - to be seen, heard & valued, in community - to belong - are fundamental spiritual needs of all humans.

And the search for healthy communities can be hard to navigate.

Unfortunately, abusive individuals exist everywhere & that is why education, and safeguarding policy & procedure are essential in ALL groups & communities.

In this video I explain what safeguarding is & why it is a collective responsibility & spiritual act.

I then define what spiritual abuse actually is & how & where it occurs.


Listen here on Instagram and here on LinkedIn



​Video 2: What are the RED FLAGS when navigating spiritual, religious, wellness & self help communities?


Listen here on Instagram and here on LinkedIn


​Video 3: What is predatory behaviour? 

Predatory behaviour in communities, whether they are spiritual, wellness, or any other social group, refers to actions that exploit, harm, or manipulate individuals for personal gain, often at the expense of the victims’ well-being and safety.

Recognising and addressing predatory behaviour is crucial for maintaining a safe and supportive community environment.

Some signs of predatory behaviour discussed in video.


Listen here on Instagram and here on LinkedIn


Video 4:  What are the GREEN FLAGS when navigating spiritual, religious, wellness & self help communities?


Listen here on Instagram and here on LinkedIn

Dear all.  


This is the final newsletter of the year.


I hope you are able to find some space to decompress and reflect as the new year dawns.


This newsletter offers information and links to the final video series I have done regarding safeguarding in spiritual, wellness and religious communities - linked to the Neurodiverse Connection free downloadable PDF Safeguarding Neurodivergent Individuals from Spiritual Abuse, which I curated for the recent G & CC Summit.


The information regarding safeguarding, spiritual abuse red and green flags is applicable to all neurotypes - all humans.


I hope this is useful.  


More about normalising, nervous system and creative ways to meet our very human spiritual needs in the new year from me, alongside more work on safeguarding related to this in community settings.


Very best wishes and thanks for reading and staying connected this year.


Kay

In the last two weeks I’ve been sharing reading, research and recommendations around the need for training, external regulation and safeguarding policy and procedures to protect women against grooming, coercive control and abuse within spiritual, wellness, religious, personal development and community settings.
I take a feminist, nervous system informed and neuroinclusive lens.
In this newsletter I’m sharing the links to the videos and also the Neurodiverse Connection blogs I’ve written, alongside the free downloadable PDF curated resource, Safeguarding Neurodivergent Individuals form Spiritual Abuse, which I authored for this week’s inaugural NdC Grooming and Coercive 2023 Summit.
Whilst this resource focuses on neurodivergent individuals, if we implement neurodivergent safeguarding strategies, policy and procedure this would of course safeguard all neurotypes.
These are must reads for anyone who teaches, facilitates, space holds or is a practitioner or leader in these settings - spiritual, wellness, personal development.
This includes sister circles, meditation, breathwork or yoga classes.
More about work I'm doing with friend and mentor Dr Lynne Sedgmore CBE in Glastonbury next May about these topics and issues in spiritual and Goddess circles coming in January.
Hope the information is useful for you personally, your work or someone you know.

Unpacking the grooming & coercive control in spiritual & wellness settings.

We turn to spiritual and wellness forums, teachings & communities after trauma or when distressed, & are groomed & coerced by them to believe in a 'just world' which can further reinforce survival responses (particularly freeze & fawn), victim blame & embed a hyper individualistic, privileged & elitist mindset.

I mention & reference the Victim Focus Indicative Trauma Impact Manual & Belief in Just World Tool Dr Jess Taylor and Jaimi Shrive


People pleasing, fawning & the increased risk of grooming & coercive control of neurodivergent girls & women.

I quote & reference Dr Carly Jones’ brilliant book Safeguarding Autistic Girls in the video.


Spiritual bypassing is 'using spiritual beliefs & practices to hide or repress emotions & avoid conflict'

And as Lissa Rankin also writes in her book Sacred Medicine (which I reference in the video) I was also stunned as she was that 'the suppression of anger & exaggerated tolerance I had developed for abusive people was not a sign of spiritual maturity but a side effect of developmental trauma'

And the fawn nervous system response due to grooming & coercive control & neurodivergent masking.


Trauma, spiritualising connection survival styles & neurodivergence.

Why we need safeguarding in spiritual, wellness & religious settings.

I reference NARM & the book Healing Developmental Trauma by Heller & LaPierre.


Interpersonal Victimisation (IPV), Neurodivergence & Spiritual & Wellness Communities.

I explore the prevalence of IPV & the need for safeguarding, trauma & nervous system informed training & external regulation in these settings.

I reference the book Autistic Masking in the video by Dr Amy Pearson & Kieran Rose.


Safeguarding Neurodivergent Individuals from Spiritual Abuse.

To mark the publication of our new NdC Original resource: Safeguarding Neurodivergent Individuals from Spiritual Abuse, I read aloud my blog, sharing my experience of spiritual abuse and offer two suggested applications for the resource I’ve authored - deconstructing Andrew Tate as predator and online wellness influencers and courses.

All videos can be watched in full on my
Instagram page click here or LinkedIn page click here

“We all have fundamental needs for meaning, purpose, connection and belonging and continuously seek to fulfil them throughout our lives.

This search, however, may lead us into community or group settings which are unhealthy or into interactions with predatory individuals, which puts us at risk of exploitation and harm.
​
Spiritual needs are the basic human needs for meaning, purpose, belonging and connection to something greater than oneself. These needs are deeply individual and can vary widely from person to person.

Spiritual needs are not limited to religion but encompass a broader ‘sense of spirituality’, which can include a connection to nature, a longing for inner peace, or being able to contribute, feeling like we fit in, and being seen, heard, and valued within community. “